Dan Uyemura, Slam Contributor

Dan Uyemura's contributions are featured in the following Slam Cards:

• Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat…

  Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

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• If I could bottle your breath, I'd have an effective weed killer.

  If I could bottle your breath, I'd have an effective weed killer.

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• Did your boobs get bigger or did you just get fatter?

  Did your boobs get bigger or did you just get fatter?

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• You're all foam, and no beer.

  You're all foam, and no beer.

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• Yo mama so smelly that when she spread her legs, I got seasick.

  Yo mama so smelly that when she spread her legs, I got seasick.

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• Men will fight wars, be gladiators, and sacrifice their lives…

  Men being bitches.

  This message was originally a tweet that was slamspotted.

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• You know it's a bad day when your blind date is your ex.

  You know it's a bad day when your blind date is your ex.

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• 
  Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

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• I'm not cheating on you, you're just boring me in bed.

  I'm not cheating on you, you're just boring me in bed.

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• Hi, I'm throwing the bachelor/bachelorette party for a friend…

  I need a stripper - are you interested?

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